Adventures in Freelance Teaching, or How to Use Cuss Words to Your Advantage
Yes, I’m a “freelance” teacher as well as an editorial freelancer. In late January and early February of this year, I wrote and taught a study skills curriculum for a local vo-tech school. This was, um, an experience.
I got my first clue that this is not your typical classroom on the day I sat in on the HVAC class to gather actual class material for the lecture on note taking. Of course, HVAC is a male-dominated industry, so I was the only woman in the room. Plus, these students are all adults. They range in age from 18, having just graduated from high school, to men in their 50s who are starting a second (or third or fourth or twelfth) career.
So, the instructor finished the lecture, and then he showed a video—a lovely little piece that demonstrates how to shoot your wife with a blow gun dart when she’s bothering you; this will knock her out for a few hours so that you can go on watching your sporting event, porn, or whatever. Also works on bosses and coworkers!
And this has what to do with heating and cooling, exactly?
So, in the first class, I talk about dealing with distractions, and I use an example of being angry with a spouse. Aha! I think. This is the perfect opportunity to comment on this charming little video. “First,” I say, “just remember that whatever you’re thinking about doing to your wife, she is also thinking about doing to you.” The students snicker. “And,” I continue, “we’re not going to mess around with some stupid blow gun. We’re just going to drop the shit in your coffee. You’ll wake up in 10 hours, thinking, ‘Damn, that was a great nap!’” This induces a split-second, jaw-dropping silence, followed by a full minute of braying laughter. You could see their minds working: “Oh my god! The instructor said ‘shit!’”
Suddenly, the students were more attentive and willing to participate. After the class, the instructor actually complimented me for cussing, telling me that it made me less intimidating. Actually, what he started to say was that it brought me down to their level, but he backed off of that pretty fast.
Yes, I actually gained credibility with these students by cussing at them. Only at a vo-tech, folks.
Actually, now that I think about it, this would probably work in any room full of men, be it on a university campus, a vo-tech school, or a court-mandated driver’s ed class.
Next week: Students who make homemade stun guns and bring them to class to use on each other. All in good fun, of course.
PS, I tried to find the link to the video on YouTube, and couldn’t. But I am disturbed to note that a search for “blow gun” turns up about 7,200 hits.
